Mommy Has Cancer & Post-Surgery Update
I walked into my initial mammogram and ultrasound appointment knowingly as a healthy, strong, dependable mommy and left as a mommy with cancer. Casey and I sat in the car, devastated by this news, for a few minutes before he continued to work and I went home to wake up H from a nap and pick up E from school. I looked at him through tears and asked how am I suppose to go about my day and act normal with the kids? How do I inform our close family about this news while also staying emotionally stable and available for the kids today? With a pit in my stomach I asked him over and over how are we going to do this? He said we’ll figure it out, he reminded me that my only sign of cancer was a lump and I am still physically strong to show up for the kids today, emotionally it will be difficult but having our normal routine might help.
Children amaze me with how intuitive they are. After a few days E began asking “mommy, are you happy?” and I realized I wasn’t shielding her enough from all of the sadness I felt, but was it our plan to shield her from everything going on? Could we go through this cancer journey without E & H knowing? E already knew something different was going on, with me away from home for appointments already. After getting the biopsy results, Casey and I decided to tell E in a simple and positive way.
We told her that I found a yucky bump in my boob and the doctors said it’s breast cancer. She asked if H gave me cancer from nursing, and we assured her that he didn't! We told her that cancer can make people not feel well, but you can’t catch cancer like the cold. Over the next few days and weeks we gently talked about surgery and chemotherapy - my breasts will need to be removed to take the yucky bump out, and I will be on medicine that gets rid of all the cancer cells in my body. She would respond with “okay mommy” and then continue about her play. We’ve been reading a few books we bought and were generously gifted by friends which we’ve found helpful to start conversations and speak with words of strength.
I picked E up from school after an appointment with the surgeon one day, she got in the car and pulled my coat aside saying “let me see!” (thinking I had surgery). I told her today was just a talking appointment, no surgery! She said “oh good, because H would say ‘WHERE’S MY MILK!?!’” It was so funny and reminded me of how innocent and simple children are.
A few times E has told me that she doesn’t want me to lose my hair. I tell her that I don’t either, but my hair will grow back once I’m done with the medicine. The thought of losing my hair is emotional; I want to use this opportunity to show E that it’s okay to have emotions, but I’m not going to let losing my hair stop me. I will still be beautiful. I will still be mommy.
Having cancer with young children adds an extra layer - not being able to fully care for them and pick them up while recovering from surgery has been harder mentally than I imagined, but they are my biggest motivation. I’m still the strong mom that I align with, my strength is just shown in different ways right now.
Post-Surgery Update
I had a follow-up appointment yesterday with my surgeon who performed my double mastectomy - I’m healing well, continuing with my recovery exercises, and need to wait a little longer to get the drains removed. I still have lifting and range of motion restrictions, but I’m managing with help from Casey and the grandmas.
We also reviewed the final pathology report from surgery, which confirmed no lymph node involvement (yay!). This means I will not need radiation in the lymph node area, and helps determine the chemotherapy treatment. My mammogram originally showed 4 tumor locations, but 6 were actually found from surgery. Staging is based on the largest tumor which was 1.6cm and puts me at Stage I. The tumors are out, the source of my cancer is out! It’s such a freeing feeling for me.
Unfortunately, we did not have a clear margin at one tiny location of 1mm. Meaning the outer edge of the margin contained cancer cells for that small spot, thankfully everywhere else was clear. I’ll meet with a radiation oncologist to get their opinion on if this warrants radiation to that breast area, and weigh the benefit to risks of radiation.
Tumor cells were also found in the lymph vessels/blood vessels in my breast tissue, which isn’t ideal but doesn’t necessarily mean it’s traveled outside my breast.
My other breast was benign, no signs of cancer, and is no longer a lingering threat for something new to develop.
Next is prepping for chemotherapy, which will likely start in the next couple of weeks once I’m cleared by my surgeon. I’ll need to get a port placed to administer the drugs, which isn’t fun but I understand the benefits of it. My oncologist explained the key drug for me will be Herceptin, which is a targeted immunotherapy since I am HER2+. A knowledgeable friend of ours explained in simple terms that HER2 is how the cancer cell has been able to evade the immune system so far, and this targeted therapy helps my immune system to see the cancer cells and terminate them. Herceptin will be given first with chemotherapy, then continued every 3 weeks for a year. Thankfully there aren’t many side effects with Herceptin, like there is with chemo.
My oncologist presented two options for chemotherapy, the first option being Taxol (TH) every week for 12 weeks, and the second option being Taxotere and Carboplatin (TCH) every 3 weeks for 12 weeks. Both are effective and there are pros and cons to each, but our understanding is the first option is given in smaller doses and in theory should have less side effects. I’m hoping we can get in a rhythm with weekly treatments and with help from family and friends for E & H. It’s only 12 weeks, I can do it! Chemo and targeted therapy are my insurance to make sure any sneaky cancer cells that may be still floating around my system get zapped out of here.
Ways to Help
Our people have really shown up for us and we are incredibly grateful. Kind words of encouragement, meals, care packages, help with the E & H, beautiful flowers, checking in on us… there are so many different ways we’ve felt supported and our hearts are so full. Right now the grandmas are swapping weeks to stay with us until I’m fully recovered from surgery and we have a full meal train through the first week of April! https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/dzy573
Continued encouraging words, check-ins, thoughts, prayers, and positive energy are so appreciated as we continue through treatment. For additional ideas, Instacart and Doordash gift cards are incredibly helpful as well.