Chemo No. 5
We’re getting into a rhythm with chemo treatments now, it feels good, I feel more confident and less anxious going into it. My oncologist and nurses have a great detailed plan for premeds and this was my third chemo with no infusion reaction!
This past week I started to notice more hair loss. It started gradual, about the same amount of loss I had postpartum, but it started to increase slightly everyday. By Friday, treatment day, it was becoming disheartening to see the excessive amounts of strands fall out. Anytime I brushed my hair, moved my head, just sat still, hair fell out. During chemo I was picking hairs off my shirt and I looked at Casey and told him today’s the day. I immediately messaged a few friends to see if they were available this evening to come over for a hair buzzing party. I was grateful for my mom to be there too.
I said goodbye to my thinning short hair (I was getting used to my short-do and loving it!)… we cried, laughed, hugged, chatted… I felt supported, empowered, strong, in control, and no longer a victim to chemo causing my hair to fall out strand by strand. It was MY choice. I don’t know what I’ll do yet.. you might see me rocking the buzz until it gets too patchy, maybe wearing my wigs, maybe some scarves or a hat. I’m going to try to have fun and find ways to still feel feminine when I look so immensely different from what I looked just a few months ago.
There are times where I feel like this cancer diagnosis has quickly robbed me of the things that made me feel feminine, my boobs, my hair, my figure, and I mourn the way I used to look. But this is the time where I dig deep and stop myself from that victim mentality. Maybe I play with more makeup, wear dresses, carry myself confidently and gracefully. It’s a humbling experience. I’m discovering this new ‘me’ and with every step I’m finding out that I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was. These steps don’t come without their hardships and emotions, but it’s the opportunities I find in these situations that show my empowerment and strength. I’m thankful for my friends, family, and especially my fellow breast cancer thrivers and survivors for their encouraging words, support, and shared experiences.
Thank you to my few girls who came over tonight, for taking pictures, helping shave my head, and being there for me during this emotional step.
I’ll let the photos tell more of the story.
In other news… we are participating with the IU Health North/Schwarz Cancer Center team in the Women Indianapolis More Than Pink Walk in October. I’m honored to fundraise and walk with them - this is where Casey works and I’m being treated. Casey, E, and I are all fundraising! Please consider donating or joining us on October 7th!
E plans to have a ‘Flowers by Ellie’ fundraiser (she LOVES flower arranging), so look out for that this summer if you’re local!
Thank you for all of your love and support for me and my family through this journey! We love you all.
Current Mantras:
I am grateful for my body’s ability to heal.
I let go of worry and fear. I focus on what are facts, and I know that my fears are not facts.