One Year Cancer Free

35th Birthday, Feb 2024

A lot of “one year anniversaries” have occurred over the past month - one year since my mammogram, one year since “the call”, one year since I stopped breastfeeding, one year since my double mastectomy… one year cancer free.

It’s been weighing heavy on me. The past year has been pure survival mode, and as the dust begins to settle with active treatment coming to an end, I’m learning to process these emotions. I still feel pangs of sadness and disbelief, and some days I still mourn the woman I was before cancer. But other days I’m motivated to heal, and to feel alive.

I sit with the realization that before cancer, I was mostly just going through the motions - doing things I felt I “should” do to keep up with cultural norms and please other people, complaining about how busy I was, and performing from extrinsic motivation. I lived in a state of anxiety and anger (heads up… this does not help your body fight against rogue cancer cells). I didn’t align with who I wanted to be - but at the time, I didn’t know who that was.

Cancer was a big slap in the face. When experiencing something that could expedite my mortality… it becomes a wake up call. Our life on earth in these bodies is limited, we know this, I know this, but I was living like I had unlimited time. Not in a dare-devil type of way, but thinking I had unlimited time to do what I want to do and be who I want to be. And it was mainly at a subconscious level, until this year when I become more consciously aware of the fact that my time here is limited (cancer or no cancer).

I know this topic can be uncomfortable, and some may think it’s taboo, but I don’t think I can start truly living until I consciously accept that I do have limited time. What is stopping me from doing the things I want to do and being who I want to be right now?

Cancer will always be part of my story, but it doesn’t define me - having experienced cancer has changed me in ways that I’m still discovering. I feel this incredible light, a fire is lit, and I’m ready to start living.

34th Birthday, Feb 2023 - a few days after my diagnosis

One year ago today, I had a double mastectomy that removed all of my cancer.

Today, I am one year cancer free.

My oncologist doesn’t use the term “cancer free”, but instead says “no evidence of disease” (NED). During my mastectomy, my tumors were removed and no cancer cells were found in my sentinel lymph nodes - all of my cancer was removed during surgery and there was no evidence to believe that my cancer spread past my breast. So if I’m NED after my surgery, then why do I have to do chemo, radiation, immunotherapy, and anti-hormone treatment? Because we don’t know on a microscopic level if there is anything lingering… studies show that this treatment plan provides encouraging outcomes for the type of cancer I had. It’s my insurance to make sure it’s all gone.

I think saying cancer free is more exciting, and I truly believe I am. So here’s to being one year cancer free :)